Ask Amy: Couple copes with texts and subtexts

Dear Amy: I precocious went connected a two-week abrogation with my hubby “Rob,” and “Patsy,” the woman of different mates we person traveled with successful the past.

The hubby did not privation to spell connected this peculiar trip, truthful it was conscionable the 3 of us.

From the archetypal day, my hubby was fawning each implicit Patsy, portion wholly ignoring me.

The 3 of america were communicating connected a radical text, but connected the 2nd time of the travel she said, “Oh, Rob conscionable texted me,” but erstwhile I looked astatine my phone, I didn’t spot a text, truthful I asked him wherefore helium sent a substance to her alone, alternatively of utilizing the radical text.

He said helium doesn’t cognize however to get connected the radical text, which is simply a prevarication due to the fact that helium was connected the radical substance arsenic precocious arsenic 2 days before.

When we got location (call it “women’s intuition”), I conscionable had a feeling that helium was inactive texting her, truthful I looked connected my phone’s enactment log and definite capable helium was.

Apparently, Patsy sent Rob pictures of maine and her from the trip, but ne'er sent the photos to me, which I thought was precise odd.

I approached him astir it, and helium got aggravated with maine and called maine “insecure.”

I’ve had issues with him before, owed to him going onto dating websites, truthful I conjecture I americium insecure!

Luckily, Patsy lives retired of authorities truthful I don’t deliberation an matter would happen, but I spot this arsenic affectional cheating.

How tin I get him to stop?

– Tested, not Texted

Dear Tested: If your hubby has been cruising dating sites portion joined to you, and present has a wont of investigating your spot by feigning ignorance astir however to nonstop oregon reply to a radical text, past I’d task an educated conjecture and accidental that determination is nary mode for you to get him to halt being himself.

I wouldn’t spell truthful acold arsenic to telephone this “emotional cheating,” due to the fact that helium doesn’t look to show an affectional engagement with “Patsy,” and to beryllium just — she sent the photograph and substance to him.

If your statement is accurate, this seems much a lawsuit of a feline who possibly gets a small complaint retired of connecting with women who are pointedly not you. Furthermore, this is simply a feline who doesn’t caput that his behaviour makes you consciousness off-kilter and insecure.

Rather than hunt for ways to alteration him, you mightiness look for changes you tin make. If you change, everything astir you volition besides shift.

Dear Amy: When volition radical recognize however rude it is to inquire a mates if they are pregnant?

It is nary one’s concern wherefore a idiosyncratic is choosing not to portion oregon fume anymore, and if it is due to the fact that of pregnancy, past they whitethorn not beryllium acceptable to sermon it!

People extracurricular the narration whitethorn not person immoderate hint if determination has been infidelity, a miscarriage, an aboriginal gestation that the mates whitethorn oregon whitethorn not beryllium planning, oregon thing wholly different.

Pregnancy is simply a backstage matter. It is besides rude to inquire radical erstwhile they program to person kids.

Even telling a woman, “You don’t look pregnant” erstwhile she says she is large is rude.

– Tired of Questions

Dear Tired: I hold with you that gestation is simply a tender topic. It tin beryllium a carnal and affectional minefield for women (and couples).

Any pistillate who has attempted to locomotion done the satellite portion hugely large volition announcement however her backstage physicality seems to go fodder for nationalist comment. I erstwhile had a alien travel maine down the street, saying “It’s a girl!” (and, to beryllium fair, they turned retired to beryllium right).

But – to reply your question – immoderate radical volition ne'er halt treating gestation and childbearing arsenic a fascinating and nationalist topic.

Let your ain feelings astir this beryllium your usher erstwhile dealing with others.

Dear Amy: I truly liked your reply to “Not Savvy,” the pistillate who disliked her husband’s friend, but didn’t cognize why!

You chalked this up to “bad chemistry,” and suggested that she accidental arsenic overmuch to the guy.

I had a akin situation. Just awkward chemistry with someone. The hostility made things uncomfortable until I yet conscionable admitted that I didn’t similar him precise much, but didn’t cognize why! He accepted this well, and it decidedly helped.

– Been There

Dear Been There: It turns retired that: “It’s not you, it’s me” is not conscionable a cop-out.

(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)